23 January 2024

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is knowledge of yourself and others, the feelings and emotions that drive us and the ability to measure and control your actions in spite of those feelings. To have a high EQ is to be able to empathise with others and act with compassion, to understand the driving factors behind your own negative emotions (anxiety, anger, stress etc.) and to calm yourself and counter the negative effects of those feelings. EQ is self control, confidence and a path to a happy and intentional life.

How is EQ different to IQ?

IQ is the ability to the think analytically and solve problems using reasoning. EQ is the ability to use reasoning to explain problems that present themselves and to think compassionately. While these are both measures of intelligence and both have elements that help solve problems these abilities are applied in different ways. A defining example of their difference is for example, logic vs feeling. Logical problem solving uses plans and strategies to understand abstract ideas, to form solutions that focus on the problem that is presented using linear thinking, a process that sets a starting point and follows a connected series of actions ultimately resulting in a solution. Problem solving using feeling is a form of lateral thinking, an indirect and creative approach that focuses on factors affecting a problem before designing a solution. In many cases where a problem is socially rooted it is important to be able to use lateral thinking or EQ to form a solution to maintain good working relationships and positively impact people with solutions.

Why is EQ important?

Years ago I read a book named “Notes from the End of Everything” by Robert Pantano. While the book is authored by Rob Pantano it is actually a curation of notes from another philosophical novelists notes as his mind declined through terminal brain cancer, John Gallo. While the book is 100 pages and one sentence long it took me a month to finish reading and a month longer to finish digesting emotionally. I’ve never read a book that made me believe in nihilism quite like this one. The first time I read the book it completely changed my outlook on life as it has an extremely pessimistic tone. However, it was through processing this book though that I learnt how powerful having a strong EQ was. I’ve read it a few times since and actually now understand the message of the book is quite the opposite, it's a warning to be reflective, to be honest and to be aware of yourself and your inner self. There’s a quote in the book that I cherish, it goes - “Sometimes we need to listen to happy music to feel good. And sometimes we need to listen to sad music to feel good. Sometimes we need cliches of motivation and positivity. And sometimes we need to face the bleaker realities to understand what we might actually be.”

To get to my point, why is EQ important? When I read Notes from the end of everything for the first time it was early days on my journey of developing emotional intelligence, I wasn’t very reflective and I was mostly reactive to the world around me and the way I was experiencing it. I’m a sensitive guy and living that way was incredibly detrimental to my long term goals and my relationships with the people around me. I was taken out of commission and walked around like a nihilistic zombie for nearly two months because of a book that was only 100 pages and one sentence long. As time has gone on and my understanding of myself has gotten better however I’ve learnt to measure my responses, be more aware of the way stimulus affects my day to day behaviour and actually explore life as I experience it for more than what it is at face value. The ability to first understand your own behaviour and your own reactions to confrontations, pessimistic outlooks and arguments allows you to go forward in life and understand the difficulty that others are experiencing and empathise, be compassionate and resolve these problems with kindness and understanding. Emotional intelligence at its core is a tool that keeps you motivated and on track for your own goals and ideals and allows you to stay honest to your values. Emotional intelligence gives you the ability to overcome challenges with others and build strong connections and relationships with intentionality.